Thursday, July 9, 2009

Obama vows U.S. will lead the way on climate change

President Bollocks O'Charmer was back at the grindstone again this week, vowing to fight climate change. With his teleprompter back in good working order, O'Charmer delivered a stirring speech in which he promised to send most of the world back to the stone age in order to prevent the climate from changing.

"At first I thought 'let's just blow up the sun' - it's supporting Al Qaeda by making grass grow so they can feed their goats of mass desertification."

"Then El Bore made an incovenient statement, telling me that it was us who were being naughty, not the sun, so we're gonna introduce some new taxes for y'all instead. We might bring peace to the sun at a later stage."

O'Charmer then described plans to create carbon capture institutes around the world.

"We're gonna go after carbon all over the world until there is no carbon left anywhere. Just yesterday Vice President Joe Bidet informed me that we had captured a piece of coal in a cave in Afghanistan. We also have reason to believe that Iran is stockpiling carbon, and have definitive proof that millions of Irananians are wantonly exhaling this substance."

NewsWorldDisorder then asked O'Charmer what his teleprompter thought about the 30,000+ scientists who have signed a petition claiming that man-made global warming is a political phenomenon intended to help implement centralised regional governance and bring about the creation of a carbon trading scheme that will earn billions for the world's wealthiest people.

O'Charmer never had a chance to reply. The packed press conference room, combined with the President's speech, had set off the carbon alarms in the White House air conditioning system. The situation was so severe that a piece of ice in the president's glass of water melted before the secret service had time to evacuate the press corp from the room.

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