Thursday, July 2, 2009

CDC Plans 600 Million Vaccinations

The American Center for Disease Control is planning to order 600 million Swine Flu vaccinations. This has sparked an outrage amongst pharmaceutical firms and their shareholders, who instead wanted to have the whole world vaccinated. Twice.

"Swine flu is the Al Qaeda of diseases", a spokesman for the Center for Subverted Imbeciles explained to the NewsWorldDisorder. "Each of them flu microbes is like a little terrorist looking to overthrow democracy, love and war. We therefore need to force everyone in America to be vaccinated."

Fortunately for the American populace, these vaccinations have been declared safe by the best experts money can buy. Pharmaceutical companies have even been forced to put ethyl-mercury, MSG and the byproducts of aborted foetuses into the vaccines just to get people to stop being such paranoid wussies.

Good news for the Pharma companies and the American public alike, is that President Bollocks O'Charmer has already approved billions of dollars of funding for the purchases of these essential vaccines. This will come as an enormous relief to all Americans, as literally dozens of United States citizens have come down with this lethal pandemic, that almost, but not quite, overshadows other pandemics like HIV/AIDS and malaria, which kill mere thousands around the world every day.

When asked whether forced vaccinations wouldn't effectively overturn statutes put in place during the Nuremberg Trials that sought to protect humanity from involuntary exposure to medical intervention, the CSI spokesman became visibly agitated.

"You're just not getting it," the CSI spokesman continued. "You need to give up your freedom to be free, give up your money to be rich, give up your health to be healthy and give up your intelligence to be informed. What's wrong with you anyway, can't you read the questions on the press sheet?"

No comments:

Post a Comment