Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Emperor Strikes Back

A spokesperson for the Emperor has spoken out about the Clothesgate debacle that erupted after emails were intercepted in which the Emperor's tailors had discussed destroying data relating to the design and production of the expensive, lightweight clothes recently worn by the Emperor during a public parade.

These revelations have fueled speculation that during the parade the Emperor was, as one young skeptic suggested at the time, wearing no clothes at all.

"Suggestions that the Emperor's tailors were involved in any sort of wrong-doing are ludicrous," the spokesperson informed News World Disorder. "The designs and the materials used to make the Emperor's clothes were destroyed to add to the value of the garment. Everyone could see for themselves the fact that the Emperor was wearing arguably the finest suit of clothes ever seen in this Empire."

The spokesperson's position was backed up by a recent statement from the Emperor's Courtiers, who claimed that there was court-consensus on the authenticity of the Emperor's clothes. Nevertheless, the courtiers have agreed to conduct an in-depth, unbiased investigation into the Emperor's clothes.

The chairman of the Emperor's clothes selection committee has been called in to coordinate the investigation.

"The courtiers are planning to begin this investigation by finding the naughty boy who started the rumours about the Emperor's clothes in the first place," the spokesperson continued. "We have every reason to believe that this rumour was started by the King of Neighbouria in an attempt to destabilise our great Empire, and that this little boy was in fact a Neighbourian plant."

News World Disorder then asked the spokesperson about the alleged trail of silken dingle-berries that had been found by garment skeptics in the road along which the Emperor's convoy had traveled.

"The dingle-berries are, in fact, further proof that the Emperor was wearing the finest suit of clothing that anyone in this Empire has ever seen," the spokesperson responded.

"Everybody knows that the garment skeptics are paid off by Big Fabric, who are desperately attempting to prevent the Emperor's talented tailors from taking over the clothing industry in our Empire. If anything, the dingle-berries prove that the Emperor's clothes were twice as fine as previously thought."

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